M comes by his challengingness honestly. I was very much like him as a child – quick to anger, easily frustrated and prone to throwing things. I remember enough of my childhood to understand what it is like to be M. In other words, the tree and the apple have a lot in common.
As I have gotten older, I have learned to manage my anger. Throwing a fit doesn’t exactly endear me to my friends or colleagues. Moreover, I trying to set a good example for M. But it isn’t always easy, especially when I am stressed or not feeling well. On those days, I struggle to keep my temper, to keep my anger from boiling over. In moments like this, I usually take a walk – fresh air helps clear the negative thoughts from my head.
But sometimes I lose the battle and boom! It’s like the scene in The Exorcist, where Linda Blair’s head is spinning around. Not pretty.
This morning was one of those days. I woke up feeling like I was hung over. Except the cause wasn’t over-imbibing alcoholic beverages, rather inadvertently eating something I shouldn’t have.
I am highly allergic to dairy and sugar. Because even small amounts can make give me a migraine headache and/or make feel nauseated and wretched, I am very careful about what I eat. I check labels whenever I eat something new. But last night, after curling, I had some sweet potato chips and vegetable chips. I didn’t ask to look at the labels – who would put sugar or dairy in either of these snack foods?
Someone did. So I wake up late, feeling like a busload of tequila shooters ran over me. M was already on his way out the door, so I didn’t have to worry about him. I wasn’t moving very fast, but I got ready to go to work.
At 9:15, I emailed my boss to say I was running late but expected to be there by 10 am. By the time I left the house, it was about 9:30. On my way to the bus stop, I stopped into the pharmacy to buy a monthly bus stop. They ran out early last month but since it is only Feb 2, I figured there would be no problem getting one. It’s another 5 mins to the bus stop from there – even with a transfer, I would still be at work by 10 am.
So much for my best laid plans. Not only was the pharmacy sold out, but so was the newsstand further down the street. Plus I had to wait in long lines I both stores to find this out. Since the newsstand is further away from my bus stop, I had to walk another 10 minutes.
By this time, the blood is boiling in my ears so I call my husband and complain (loudly and rudely) about how much I hate our public transit system. Of course, I have to wait for a bus once I get to the stop. After checking my BB for messages. I call my husband back to remind him I am going to a farewell party for a colleague after work. Since I am still waiting for the bus and still annoyed with the bus system, I start yelling again – he comments that he understands I am upset but I am not upset with him so why am I yelling at him?
This is like waving a red flag in front of a rampaging bull. In my current state, I can find plenty to be angry with my husband about. I am pacing around the bus stop like a mad woman. Fortunately for him, the bus arrives and I hang up. No use in making any more of a scene.
I get to my transfer stop, only to discover that I will have to wait another 10 min for my bus. While walking to work from my house takes over an hour, it is a relatively short walk from the transfer point to my building. I decide to walk. We’ve had snow and ice pellets over the last couple of days and most of the sidewalk has been recently ploughed. Except for one section that is covered in 2 inches of slippery icy crystals, which make it hard to walk on. As I am slogging my way through this mess, muttering under my breath, a bus goes by.
At this point, I start to laugh. The situation is so silly. It is almost 10:30 – normally it takes me 20 minutes to get to work. An hour is a new record. Fortunately my boss is understanding about this sort of thing. When I finally arrive at work, I am feeling calmer.
I later apologized to my husband for being a crazy woman. I have told M many times that I understand what it is like to loss your temper and behave badly.I really do understand that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you just get mad. But I’m glad he wasn’t around to witness my meltdown this morning. The apple doesn’t need to see the tree losing its leaves..